The Trump Presidency as Crisis of Masculinity

The men I know who are ardent supporters of Trump are ten times the man Trump will ever be...

It never fails. The men I know who are ardent supporters of Trump are ten times the man Trump will ever be. Some are actual war heroes. Almost all are good providers and stalwart family men. Yet they fall for Trump's rhetoric every time.

They’re led around by the idea that through Trump they will protect children, make the world safer for the women they love, provide for them all and build a legacy they can be proud of. Trump dangles any number of tropes in front of them:

• Brown people are streaming across the border to rape our women.

• Men who are lying about their gender are sneaking into bathrooms to assault our women.

• Our children are not safe. They’re being trafficked abused by the very people charged with teaching them. Or worse yet, they come home with their gender changed!

• You’re being taxed out of existence, you’ll never be able to provide for your family.

Again and again that nerve of - you must protect these people of your community - is struck hard, almost toyed with. Trump does it as easily as breathing.

Why are so many good men taken in by his obvious lies? Anyone who has any sense sees that Trump himself embodies none of the qualities of protector or provider. In all likelihood he has not only sexually assaulted but raped many women , which, if true would make him a serial rapist. He has (by far) the most bankruptcies of any presidential figure. He does his best to not pay laborers and contractors (or presumably taxes), proving himself time and time again not to be a man of his word. He is clearly, easily, provably a habitual liar. He has no real qualities of leadership, unless bullying is considered a leadership quality. Why can’t these men see what he’s doing?

Tragically the answer lies in the shadow, in the unrealized aspects of mens own selves that they project onto Trump. There is some grandiosity, some dimension of masculinity bigger than what they have been able to embody in their own lives that they are projecting onto Trump. They see in Trump the great provider, the great protector who will shelter all the good people from the harms of the world because that has not been empowered or fully expressed in their own lives.

This is not just among the poorest, least educated of us. There are smart men who grew up with every opportunity who feel the same pull to embody this brand of masculinity. Because it is buried deep in the shadow it is almost impossible for some men to resist. They need to believe someone can be this heroic savior in todays world, even if everything smells wrong about the man himself.

This is a horrible state of affairs, and no, it's not going to be solved by men cooking up initiation rituals for each other. I wish it were that easy. I think our clown king is going to have to go through a serious fall from grace before the remainder of these mens shadow work is complete. And trust me, we are in the midst of some deep national shadow work.

I’m one of those men who’s been able to watch this strange dance from the sidelines. It’s not because I’m the most masculine of men, having fully matured in my potential. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some strong expressions of masculinity in both my father and older brother. They’re both great providers and protectors. Dad was also very terrifying for me at certain ages, I’ve had to do a lot of healing around that, but I was never lacking in a devoted, caring man who embodied the traditional roles of manhood. If not through my Dad then neighbors, bosses, teachers and mentors throughout my life.

But I had something else that moved me forward in life with great speed - an undying river of creativity flowing through me. Whether by birth, ancestry or parenting I have never lacked for creative energy. I can close my eyes at any moment and be immediately presented with an impulse and through dance, writing, performance or some form of visual arts, find a way to give expression to it. If left alone on desert island I would create a utopia for my infinite array of muses. Seriously, it just never stops.

Give me some paper and a pencil and I will be satisfied, I don’t really care about any of that other stuff.

Am I a good provider and protector? Hell yes. I’ve been providing for and protecting those I love since my early 30’s. I’ll probably be doing that until the day I die. It's just written into my DNA (thanks Dad!) But I don’t need to do that in order to be fulfilled, I never have. Family happened to me, almost by accident. I’m an adoring Father just because I love my kids, not because I’m excited to be a Dad.

Consequently I, like some other men I know, get to stand outside of this strange dance and wonder at it in amazement. When I talk to men who are Trumpers and are otherwise sane, about their choice they nod sagely, as if to say “just wait and see, we’re going to take care of things now, we’re going to set all this madness right.” They are seeing a way to express and fulfill that unfulfilled masculine hiding in the shadows.

It’s not hard to see how we got here. Since the 50’s and 60’s men have been confronted for their misogyny, their colonialism, their racism and homophobia. The great protector and provider identity, the one they were born to achieve has been (rightly I’m afraid) critiqued over and over again with increasing brutality.

Fuck.

There really has been no way around seeing that God didn’t just hand us North America on a silver platter with the natives throwing flowers at our feet. And yeah, slavery was real and pretty much more horrible than the human imagination can comprehend. Our heterosexuality and the color of our skins should not really privilege us above others. Our way of life is not without it’s global warming downsides. Women don’t particularly want to be bullied, talked down to or forced to stay at home. And we’re not smarter than women BTW. Also - there are rapists and pedophiles among us, often the most respected members of our communities. In fact if you’re wanting to track down what the people look like our women need protecting from, you might want to glance in the mirror. They pretty much look just like us.

I think the MAGA faithful want us to erase all the realizations above, and get back to the days when men could easily achieve the sense of purpose and dignity that seemed to help them survive and function in the world. That’s what Trump is selling, thats what he’s offering. Unfortunately what he’s actually offering is about as real as a Real Estate degree from Trump University. The uninitiated, unrealized man cannot lead the rest of us to a restored sense of masculinity. It takes men who have made the full journey.

I think there is no way to go back, try hard as many men will. The truths have been told, and will be retold. The internet will see to that.

Here’s what we’re left with:

Women are (generally) offering men greatly diminished roles in their lives. Women are now succeeding in many areas much more easily than men. Many women are choosing life without a partner (man or woman.) Traditional families are failing in virtually all communities. Women do not want to need a man to make their own lives complete. They are willing to leave the gender conversation entirely, if that’s what it takes for them to feel safe and realize their own potential as human beings.

Trump men think they’re offering women the safety of an honest, unwavering protector and provider, someone they can trust, love and believe in. However in electing Trump they’ve presented women with a highly privileged man who has been able to escape his many crimes, including horrifically assaulting women. They have confirmed beyond all doubt that American culture is rape culture, and women are not safe. Most women know Trump is a shadow masculine. He is not matured, not fully realized. He is a fake, a knockoff of what a real man is.

This is the standoff we’re in. Women (not all of course) are simply walking away from the gender conversation. Men are trying to entice women back into that conversation but their offering is exactly why women left the conversation to being with. We really do need each other, solving this ain’t gonna be easy.

One thing I worry about at night is what a friend of mine told me years ago, he is one of those men who knows himself well enough, and is creative enough, that he gets to watch all of this from the outside.

“You know, it seems like in America sometimes big changes require a blood sacrifice. Something horrible has to happen, someone has to die in order for enough of us to say ‘enough.’ Think about Harvey Milk, MLK, all of those seminal moments of great change. Someone died for us to get here.”

This feels too much like one of those moments to me. The alternative in my mind is always inner work, but thats EXACTLY what a guy like me would say. That inner part, the male that needs to dance in the sun, be seen and appreciated by his community, needs to claim his place in the world. Apparently we can’t ask women’s help on that one, they’re not around for that show. We’re going to have to figure out how to do it for ourselves, how to feel valued, be valued. We can’t ignore this part of ourselves. The masculine will not be whole without it.

If we can own it, express it, carve a place for it in the sun again, perhaps we can all leave the charlatans behind and learn to live with the history that got us this far.

Wishing you and yours peace, protection, and safety during these times of great change.